All Things Dweeb

In life, we all have a defining moment where we all realize that no matter how cool we try to pretend to be, in fact, we are all nerds. In this moment, we realize that there is no use hiding it, and that being a nerd is, in fact, pretty damn cool.

Some of us play a generally unhealthy amount of video games. Some of us watch too much television. Some, comic books take over our brains. And some of us enjoy gadgets and technology all too much. We are your stereotypical nerds. We aren’t the only nerds though.

People who are super into tanning and the Jersey Shore, they are nerds. People who go to different restaurants every day and write mini-blogs about them, they are nerds. Musicians are nerds who spend way too much time on that one riff. We are all nerds.

I recently had my defining moment. Even though I am heavy into video games, idolize comedians who hate themselves and have 1,000,000 dreams that I can’t commit to…I have always thought I was a cool kid. Recently, I spent 15+ hours playing Mass Effect 2 (spread over a few days) and, after making one choice that I didn’t like, I restarted myself and have since played 22 hours on the new game. That is 37+ hours in ONE video game. That is insane to me. After seeing this statistic, I looked at myself and exclaimed, “You are a NERD!”

A nerd! Me? For how long? It was like Freaky Friday; but instead of my midlife crisis mother trading places with my barely post-pubescent female self, a nerd took over my pasty body. Have I always been this nerdy? Have I been living with a false sense of identity and grandeur? Where have I been all these years?

Denial meets acceptance. I am a nerd, and I always have been. Hell, I played clarinet in elementary school band for two years, that’s as nerdy as you get aside from playing the flute! You can’t even start a ska band! When did you learn you were a nerd and not as cool as you though?

I have previously written two (er..open) letters to Zachary Levi and Zachary Quinto both expressing my fandom and my interest in letting the both of them be my friend. I have listed, in both letters, numerous benefits of my friendship and what makes me a good guy.

Unfortunately, I have still yet to hear back from either of the men. Sure, you can dump that on their busy schedules or even that I am practically no one…however, I buy neither. I think they are playing hard to get.

Why, might you ask? Why would two, what I would consider, celebrities play hard to get to a no name like me? Easy, because why WOULDN’T they?

Anyways, this is my third installment of open letters to the Zachary boys.

Zach, Zach, as you both (maybe, but probably don’t) know, I am Brentt Harshman. I look at both of you as fantastic actors and people I would like to be friends with. I have given you benefits of my friendship that range from free food to great hugs. Yet I still haven’t heard from you or anyone involved with you. That breaks my heart.

Quinto, in television you played a super villain with inferiority complex. Levi, in television you play a nerd turned super spy. What about me? Well, I am not on television nor have I ever been on television. I have been in a few online sketch comedy videos and have performed improv on stage, though. So, we don’t really have that in common.

All I am saying is, is that I can cook a mean hamburger on the grill. I can whip up a mean milkshake. I can turn on the television and xbox and we can play video games. 

Of course, we could just relax and have a conversation. I am not talking about a romance; just a friendship, and not one with benefits either. I know you are both busy, so I wouldn’t want to tie either of you down. I would just like a call at the end of the day with a status report on how your lives are. That’s all.

Anywho, I’ll talk to you later.